I took my two horses to a Kansas Stock Horse Show last weekend.
 Ol’ Paint, the consummate professional…. No problem. 
My sweet Pardner, new kid on the block…. Big problem.
What happened?  I don’t know. I’ll never know. He isn’t saying.  Devil possession? Aliens? I’m clueless.

He was great at the Quarter Horse Show two weeks ago. No problems. I ride him alot on the ranch. T.H. uses him some too. He’s been lots of places. I arrived at the show with confidence and ease.
  I took them both inside the arena. Looking forward to the day. I started loping Pard first to warm him up. His sweet demeanor changed so quickly and so completely as if he was possessed by the devil himself. My demeanor changed quickly also. To  W.T.F.!!!*  The transformation was complete.  The Devil meets Whiskey Tango Foxtrot*

 What the *heck* was he doing? You ask?
Think the equine equivalent of  your child having a temper tantrum in an excruciatingly public place.
I loped him for 30 min inside trying to drain his energy and make the boogers go away to no avail. He was nervous, jumped sideways at everything. I loped him outside some more. Sweat was running down my back and his front.  I tied him up. He screamed and stomped his feet. Who is this horse? He pinned his ears back at other horses. Mr Cranky,I don’t know who you are! An equine temper tantrum that lasted all day. I lost my confidence and my peace. And maybe a tiny bit of my temper.

I showed him in the first two classes. He was OK in the first ranch cutting, then fell apart in the second run. I scratched him for the rest of the day and tied him up. I didn’t know what else to do. He was one big mess. So was I by now.  My internal peace had left the building.I had an good day showing Paint in the rest of the classes despite myself.  Paint is a veteran. He even takes naps in between runs.
 I exhausted myself emotionally, like I’m prone to do. My thoughts raced. “I don’t like you anymore. I’ll never ride you again. You embarrass me. How could you do this to me after all I’ve done for you? I want to sell you. No, I’ll just give you away. I can’t do this anymore. I’m gonna get hurt. I’m too old. I’m too fat. I’ll just quit. What did I do wrong? How can I fix it? I should have rode you more. I should have paid someone to ride you more. I suck at this. Why are you doing this?  Why why why why why? ”

 I had to analyze it to death and shackle the rest of my day with my other good horse and good friends. AARRGGHH! The biggest question is not “why did he do it?” The biggest question is “why am I doing this to myself?”
 I drove home, turned them out and went to bed exhausted. Not physically, just mentally. I woke up a little rested.  I’m not wondering anymore about why Pard  was so bad yesterday. I’m wondering why I do this to myself time after time after time. I suffer through self induced brain trauma over the angst of things not going my way.  Espeicially if I can’t fix it RIGHT NOW.  I give up my hard won peace of mind to that. W.T.F.!!!*

I go out to do chores. And, BOOM, I start to channel Yoda again. 
 “There is no’why’. There just ‘is’ ” 
 I’ll never know the “why” of everything single thing that doesn’t go the way I think it should. I can spend eternity trying to figure it out. So I can fix it to my liking. So it can happen again until I go permanently insane. 
 –OR— I can just go on. Lighten up a little. Keep my peace.
 It was just a bad day for him…..and me.
 Just one day. Just one W.T.F.* day at a time.
  Go on. Start over. 
Pard,I take back all the mean things I said about you to myself yesterday.
 Let’s go buddy. Let’s ride. Peace Out.

Love,  Cowgirl Red   aka   Terah
PS If I had flipped back through some recent photos of him I might have seen it coming.
Looks like we need an exorcism– or– he’s laughing his ass off about how he’s going to mess with my head today.

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Comments

  1. Soooo true. We often never know the whys. Things just happen. They just are. You said Pardner was new to all this and you can't read his mind. He sure seemed scared of something and then you were mad at him. Sorry you two had such a bad day. I hope you two make amends. 🙁

    At least things went well with Paint. 🙂

  2. Lisa at Greenbow says:

    Maybe the big-brown-horse-boogety-man was there in the crowd making Pard nervous and scared?? I have WTF days like that too. I hope you feel better now.

  3. pluckychickenheart says:

    I feel ur pain. At this yoga class I attended last weekend the instructor repeated a bumper sticker she had recently seen which said, " let go or get dragged behind. " it's my new mantra but I'll share if you want to use it too.

    Xoxoxo

  4. Cowgirl Red says:

    Thanks Rita and Lisa. Mari, I'm stealing that slogan!!!!! Perfect mantra. Especially for horse people. I'm considering pretending I made it up myself. …xoxo

  5. Catherine... says:

    Sorry I haven't been by to see you recently… Naughty naughty horse… sounds like he got Stage Fright with horsey PMT…. in that case there are no Why's and IF's But's just lots of F off's leave me alone…talk to the hoof coz the rump is on a Coffffffeeeeeeeeeee BREAK…. hope you are both best friends again and feeling better….hugs

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  1. […] reeling a little bit from that bad day we had at the horse show last summer when he became the “Devil Horse”.    Plus he’s not a fatso like the others and I want to feed him extra. He needs to learn how […]

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