Yesterday morning I dropped my expensive age-fighting face cream in the bathroom. I estimated that about $20 of it plopped out on the floor.  So I ran to the kitchen to get a spatula which I don’t have because I’m living like a gypsy right now. My next choice was a tablespoon. I got down on all fours and tried to scoop up every precious drop. I lovingly picked out all the dog hair and specks of “who-knows-what”  because I’m not wasting one penny of this “miracle-age-fighting-repairwear-timewise-moisturing-face-lift-in-a-jar”  stuff.

Being on my hands and knees is a humbling experience outside of a yoga class. While I’m down there I take a moment to ponder…….

Here I am, 56 years old, crawling around on my dirty bathroom floor trying to salvage my latest “fix”.

Is this what I’ve been reduced to?

Is this the incomprehensible demoralization of the aging process?

I obviously wouldn’t assume this position to clean anything.

Is this what 56 really looks like?

Why am I on the “fight” with all this age-fighting crap I put on my face? In my 50’s I want to cease fighting anyone or anything anymore. I’m tired of fighting. When I’m fighting something I’m not fully living in today. I’m trying to reclaim yesterday. It’s exhausting.

Crawling around on my hands and knees  …. is just …… well …. humbling and humiliating at the same time. Plus it hurts like hell.

Why do we have to fight and be anti-anything?  It’s a war I can’t win. Nobody can. It’s one thing we all have in common. We age and then we ….. you know …… expire.

I have a slew of pictures from last year that I would never post because  I thought they made me look old and fat.  Geez. I need to just get over myself.  I am 56 years old.  I have wrinkles and a double chin. Sometimes (most of the time) my flab hangs over my belt.

I really want to live in today, unashamed, fully 50.  My 40’s were kind of a blur due to excessive alcohol consumption. I want to remember my 50’s.  All of it. Including my chin and jowls.

Cowgirl Red

Living in a fantasy world of trying to reclaim the past is not sustainable for me. It causes depression.  I have to be fully grounded in today and excited about the future. Yes, I would like to have that slimmer body back, those 20 pounds gone.  But that isn’t happening today. It may never happen. And frankly, I’m bored with the whole subject.

I had a dream the other night that I went to the beach and was swimming in the ocean. All of my red hair dye washed out when I came out of the water I was totally grey and white.  It felt liberating! Then I woke up in a night-sweat.  There may come a time when all this hair care is not worth the effort, but I will probably be pushing 80.

I’m not totally buying all of the B.S. I’ve been spewing so far. It might just be bravado.

Or it might be from the pain in my knees. Time will tell.

But if they come out with a new eye cream called “Look-Your-Age-Eye-Cream” I’m buying it.

Love,  Cowgirl Red  aka  Terah

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Comments

  1. Oh Terah, we all come upon these drops and bulges. I think you are handling it gracefully. As gracefully as can be expected. I too have gone through these feelings. I just have had to let it go as you say. I am now lighter than I have been for years, but I have wrinkles and white hair. I couldn’t stand to have a bottle of dye rule my life. We all have our limits. You look beautiful to me. Don’t worry about it so much. I bet your posse doesn’t give a hoot about any of it.

    • Thanks Lisa. For the encouraging words. I am so over it all. I don’t want to think about it anymore. I want to be free. I’m almost there. xoxo Terah

  2. You look amazing but more than that you’re my cow girl hero. Living life large! Dump that face cream down the toilet you don’t need that trip!

    • Thanks Denise. I’m such a sucker. I even toyed with the idea of getting some work done. I need to get over myself. haha. Down the Looooo! Terah

  3. When I turned 52 I started getting over being 50. I also started buying cream at the drugstore . I’m saving up for more fun shoes and handbags. They don’t judge!

    • Mary Anne, I’m almost there. I found some really good cream at Dollar General. But it can’t be good if it’s only $1. Can it? haha. More money for the fun stuff. xoxo Thanks Terah

  4. granny Liz says:

    Terah, it doesn’t help. Living proof here, will turn 69 in July. But God does have a sense of humor,I’ve always wanted white hair like my Grandmother (looked like a white cloud) and so far I’m stuck with brownish-alburn, and it gets darker each year…….I earned all my wrinkles,creams did not stop them ,so be proud of them.I’m am……..granny liz

  5. You are the best Terah! In the midst of my gray hair, I loved reading this. LOL!
    Suzanne

  6. Gosh, this is refreshingly funny Terah! Can’t remember my 40’s either for the same reasons as you and sometimes wish I could get them back. But I can’t and now heres the kicker for me, I work around lots of young folks. I think I am the token “senior”(am 54) there. I worry that my grey is showing! WHAAAAT?? It is a total waste of energy but its a hard habit to break because, “I’m so vain, I probably think this song is about me….”blahahahaaa

  7. Torah, I just turned 60′ and gave up. But I keep my hair! We are sisters in aging gracefully. Best part = no more make up! What a relief!

  8. Aw Terah. Your funny, poignant description is…welllll…funny…and poignant. And oh so true. If you want my opinion…your pictures all make you look quite beautiful and with your sense of humor and adventure…you’ll never really grow old.

  9. Hi Terah. I stopped buying that expensive stuff when I turned 51 and got my Mustang mare, Logen. She was my “oh my god I’m 50” present to myself. I realized she didn’t spook when I showed up without makeup so now I use the cheap stuff to keep my face from feeling like it’s cracking and often skip the makeup entirely. I still smear on some color for folks at the day job, but Logen is the only one I want to impress. Happy Trails from a fellow Kansan.

  10. What a great series of pics with you and your horse. You have great style. Thanks for sharing your views on aging with style. It makes me feel less cranky about adjusting to my own age-related issues. I’m currently trying to work off a tummy, but I just read scientific research about post-menopausal women’s date with destiny on that subject. I’m not quite ready to throw in the towel and stop doing crunches, but I’m getting close!

  11. Pics are stunning, and look at you all vibrant red and in chaps and all ….
    For the record, did a version of the song Lo, Lo, Lo with girlfriends recently, and could not get back up.

  12. So glad to have discovered you via the GenFab blog hop…you are living my first dream. I always wanted to be a cowgirl and wore saddle shoes for decades, long after it was fashionable, in hopes the shoes would magically make my wish come true.

  13. As I read this, I just yesterday cleaned my kitchen floor on my hands and knees for the first time in, uh… a while, okay?

    I think of my grandmother, whose BASEMENT floor was always clean enough to eat off of, and I feel mildly guilty; then I remember what a raging b*tch she was sometimes, and I say to myself, well, that ain’t the way I want to go, is it?

    Love your courage in posting the pics, and I was SO there on the floor with you.

  14. These photos? You didn’t want to share these photos? You look fantastic! Active, healthy, beautiful, and happy!

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