Wednesday I went to court. They granted the divorce. Even though I wanted it, I was surprisingly sad after it was over. Sitting in the hallway of our little courthouse with all the local thugs going to drug court. Actually that was the fun part. Listening to them and all their problems. Watching lawyers looking for clients they had never met. Chatting with a woman who had three kids and no support. Then there was the woman inside the court room that went off on her soon-to-be ex-husband about his affair and the judge had to ask her to leave. Now that was pure entertainment. ….. I digress.
Our courthouse is very small. I was already there when T.H. walked in. The only available seat was right next to me. I scooted over so he would have room. He chose to stand against the wall instead. Not speaking, no eye contact. He passed just 5 feet from me. After it was over, the whole scene made me very, very sad. That was the way we lived for the past two years. Him in silent scorn and me trying to make room.
I’ve brooded for two days. Kept myself physically and emotionally tired. I’ve walked, worked, and ……
We mow a lot around here.
Meet Ol’ Blue. My trusty steed.
My friend said it looks like they retired the Bucking Bull from Gilley’s and re-purposed it into a mower.
I don’t disagree.
I do my best inner work on that mower. Ear plugs in, it’s like a meditative “OMMmmmm”.
Ol’ Blue has fed my soul this spring. We’ve had a lot of rain.
When Jack Canfield comes out with a new book, “Mowing, Chicken Soup for the Soul” © you will know he stole it from me.
Also good for the soul ……. Messing with your dog and a turtle at the same time on your newly mowed lawn.
One thing I know for sure in life today. When the feelings come, I have to feel them. Sadness, joy, anger, fear. I have to feel them as raw or refined as they appear. I don’t have the luxury of stuffing or sedating them with a substance or person anymore. I feel them. Own them. Then they pass through me. And for me, that is the trail to freedom.
All that from the back of a mower.
Love, Cowgirl Red aka Terah