Yesterday I performed the dreaded task of re-applying for health insurance for 2017. I was notified by Blue Cross Blue Shield and HealthCare.gov that they were not offering my plan for 2017 and I needed to update my application and choose a new plan. I received that notice in September. The deadline is tomorrow. Do the math. I have known for 3 months that I needed to get new insurance and I waited until the second to last-minute….. WHY? Why do I procrastinate something as important as health insurance?
Well, I’ll tell you why. Solely based on my own opinion of myself, it’s FEAR. Plain and simple.
I think of myself as being fearless and accountable. After all, I am a trained accountant. A professional. Yet, I put this off until it was almost too late. I simply bought into the fear of what was plastered all over the media during the election. In September the media (that includes social media) started this campaign to show how horrible the Affordable Care Act is. That everyone’s premiums were doubling and tripling. That benefits were being cut. And on and on and on and on. It was a disaster.
I believed it without fact checking anything for myself. I didn’t want to deal with it. So I put it away. Until yesterday. But it really wasn’t put “away” away. It was in my subconscious. I fretted and worried about it. I also fretted and worried about the new administration shit-canning the whole thing. Then what would I do? By the end of my fret sometimes I would lose everything. WHOA! Say what? Over not filling out a simple online form in a timely manner? Really?
I think everyone is familiar with the anacronym for FEAR. False Evidence Appearing Real. And that procrastination is just one if fears many masks. So here is how this episode resolved itself…..
I sat down at my desk and computer yesterday. I had allotted a whole day to figure this out. I logged onto HealthCare.gov . I filled out the update. They presented me with 8 comparable plans for almost the same premium. I chose one. I paid the first month’s premium. Episode over. 30 minutes. Yes, 30 minutes.
Talk about “False Evidence Appearing Real”. I thought I wouldn’t be able to afford it. I thought it would be so complex that I wouldn’t figure it out in the 48 hours I had left. I thought there would be an online message saying “Don’t bother. The party’s over.” I can’t believe I did this to myself. I’m not beating myself up. I’m just saying that all that fretting wasn’t worth it. “Fret” is such a great word. That’s exactly how I feel when I needlessly worry over stupid shit. Fret: corrode, fray, rub, chafe, agitate, wear, vex. I gave myself diaper rash on the inside.
Sometimes I give away my power to the things that I fear without realizing it.
Awareness is key. It’s always the first step. It gives me hope that I can change a habit that is not serving me.
Knowledge is power. Now I have my power …… back.
I want to set an intention to not worry that the “shitbirds” coming to power will can the ACA. There are only 27 million of us using it. If that happens we can deal with it together. We can probably figure out something.
Next project…… my bank statement. Yikes.
Are you procrastinating something important? Do you need some support and encouragement? Leave me a comment. Let’s all support each other to be our best fearless, powerful selves!!!
Love, Terah aka Cowgirl-Red
P.S. Afterthought. Fear can serve me, but not as a constant companion. It needs to serve me in a circumstantial way for short periods of time. Like around snakes and bears and mad momma cows. Stuff like that.